The Lutheran Zephyr

I Cried Like A Baby

Today I was Approved for Ordination in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.  Upon hearing those words, I cried tears of joy and relief and thanksgiving.

More thoughts and reflections later.  After a nice dinner with my dad and step-mother, and a stop at FedEx-Kinkos to download the Diane Rehm Show on my iPod, it's time to make the 3-hour drive home.

I'm going to be a pastor in Christ's church.  I still can't quite believe it.

Lord, have mercy upon me.
Christ, have mercy upon me.
Lord, have mercy upon me.

Americans Eat A Lot Of WHAT?

** WARNING **

Some earthy language lies ahead.  Folks offended by earthy language should stop reading this now. 

** WARNING OVER **

Our new au pair arrived on Friday, and so far she has been wonderful (for an explanation of what an au pair is and why we have an au pair, click here).  She is from Thailand, and even though her English is pretty good, she has a fairly strong accent and a yet growing vocabulary.  One of my challenges has been understanding her very well, as my ear is attuned to Spanish accents (I speak Spanish) but not to Thai accents.

Today we ventured to the grocery store.  I was very conscious that most of what we found in the store was in boxes or plastic bags, quite different than the markets she frequents in Thailand to purchase fresh food.  As we were leaving the store, I heard her say to me, "Americans eat a lot of shit."  I was a bit surprised and taken back by her statement, but . . . judging by the McDonalds we ate last night on our way back from Baltimore (we got stuck in the storms and had to make a stop for the kids), the McDonalds we ate today at the Air & Space Museum, and the massive amounts of prepared, prepackaged food we just observed, I couldn't disagree with her.  Americans do eat a lot of shit.

After a few minutes I decided, however, that I had to tell her that "shit" is a bad word, definitely not a word to be spoken in front of the children.  "You are right to say that we Americans eat a lot of shit, but I need to tell you that shit is a bad word."  She looked at me really oddly.  After a few minutes of confused looks in both directions she pulled out an electronic dictionary and asked me to type the word I was trying to describe to her.

And so I typed it in: S-H-I-T.  She looked at the Thai script that appeared on the screen, turned beet red and then laughed.  "Oh no.  That's not what I was saying.  I would never say that.  Americans eat a lot of cheese, like on cheeseburgers." 

Cheese.  Not shit.  Americans eat a lot of cheese.  But we do eat a lot of shit, too.  We both had a good laugh.

It was a fun start to what we hope is a year of good laughs, eye-opening cultural exchange, loving childcare, and greater understanding of ourselves and our world.

A night at the ballpark with my daughter

Tonight was one of the best nights of my life - a night out with Tali, my 4 year-old daughter, at the ballpark.  It was my first ballgame of the year, and the first game Tali and I ever attended together without Mommy, grandparents, or other siblings.  Put simply - this was some serious Daddy and Tali quality time.

I was given two tickets to the Nationals vs. Pirates game tonight (yes, two of the worst teams in baseball right now).  Jessicah works late on Thursday nights, so I decided to take Tali with me to the game.  I left our other two children with a brave woman from church willing to take on Cana, our 1 year old, and Naaman, our 5 month old (she tells me the kids did great - either she's a great liar or the kids actually behaved!).

Tali and I first had to take a nearly one-hour Metro ride from our suburban enclave into the city.  We sang many rounds of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" on the train (all apologies to those sitting around us), looked for people wearing Nationals' gear, and also pointed out anyone wearing Pirates' yellow and black.  She was slightly scared when the train went underground, but she got over it quickly.  We switched trains downtown, and she gleefully cheered, "We want Green!  We want Green!" as we waited for the green line train to arrive at our platform.

After the short ride on the green line, we rode a long escalator up to the street level at Navy Yard station.  As soon as we emerged from the station Tali looked left and saw the stadium.  "Whoa, that's awesome!" she said with her 4 year-old exaggerated expression.  As we walked down the road surrounded by Nats fans, she spontaneously started chanting in full voice, "Let's Go Nats!  Let's Go Nats!"  I'm so proud.

Well, my pride only grew when, at the top of the first inning, she started booing the Pirates.  What was great is that no one else was booing - after all this is Washington, not Philadelphia, and it was only the first inning! - but there is just something terribly cute about a 4 year-old girl alternating between booing and cheering.  She even inspired a fan sitting behind us to join us in cheering and booing.  Way to go!

We only watched about 2 1/2 innings of baseball - she's 4, after all.  We then walked around the stadium, I pointed out the Washington Monument and Capitol Building, and then we stumbled upon the playground.  Oh, the playground.  She LOVED the playground.  And I genuinely loved the playground, too, except for one thing - it might be the only part of the whole ballpark where I could neither see a video screen showing the game nor hear a play-by-play broadcast.  This design flaw is probably intentional - rather than pay attention to the game, we parents should be paying attention to our children who are in the play area.  But still . . . we're at a freaking ballgame!  Oh well.

As we were wrapping up at the play area, the Presidents and the Geico Gecko walked by.  For you who are confused, at every Nationals games mascots of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt "compete" in a race (sponsored by Geico), and then make themselves available for photos and high fives with kids.  Tali and I went over, met the Presidents, and got our pictures taken (by one of their staff photographers - I need to go online Friday to see the photo).

After watching another inning of ball while we ate soft pretzels (at $4 each), we left after six innings and caught the Metro home.  Half way home on the Orange line, she fell asleep on my lap.  When we finally arrived at the Metro station we got into the van and turned on the radio - the Nationals won!  Tali said, "Yea, Nats!  Boo Pirates!"  And then she fell back to sleep.

What a great night.  Many thanks to the family from church who gave me the tickets.  Many thanks to the mom and her daughters who watched my little ones.  And many thanks to Tali for a great night.  I'll never forget it!

In Between Au Pairs

After the sudden and unexpected departure of our au pair late last month - who watched our baby full-time, our four year-old every afternoon, and helped out with the evening routine when either Jessicah or I were out of the house - we've had our hands full.  My work schedule has taken a beating - because I'm doing a lot more childcare, my days start later and end earlier than they had - but thanks to several moms and grandmoms from church, I've been able to put some time in at work while the kids are lovingly looked after.  Our new au pair - a 26 year-old young lady from Thailand - arrives next Friday.

Many folks don't understand the whole au pair thing.  An au pair "is a foreign-national domestic assistant working for, and living as part of, a host family" (from Wikipedia).  Structured as a cultural exchange program, the au pair provides childcare and child-related housekeeping for up to 45 hours/week.  In exchange, the au pair receives wages, room and board, six credit hours at a local university, and is included as part of the family for the year-long program.

Obviously, such an arrangement has its pluses and minuses.  But for us the pluses - childcare at a fraction of the cost of standard daycare and flexible scheduling (where else would you find someone to watch your children on Sunday morning or Christmas Eve?) - far outweigh the minuses (giving up a room in the house, losing some privacy, managing personal/cultural/childcare dynamics, etc.). 

My wife and I have three kids, we both work odd schedules outside the home, we live in a tiny townhouse, and we have very little money.  The au pair arrangement - far from perfect, far from ideal - is the best option we have for now.  Despite the challenges we had with our first au pair, we are cautiously optimistic about our new au pair.  I'll let you know . . .

Out of touch

Just a quick note to explain the recent blog silence . . . our au pair - who had been living with us and helping us care for our children since September - suddenly returned to her home country last week, creating a bit of a childcare pinch.  Thanks to the generosity of several ladies from church we have filled most of the gaps in care and we'll manage alright until our new au pair arrives on May 9.  But with two fewer hands at home to tend to the children and their stuff, I have much less time for the blog.  Oh, there's so much to write and share, and I hope to find the time to do it soon.

Thanks!

Famous Last Words: "Just a trim"

What part of "Just a trim, please" did my barber not understand?  I was painfully clear: "I want to keep the length, but just a trim to clean up around the sides." 

What I got is a modified crew cut.  Not very helpful when I was hoping to grow my hair out a bit.

Argh.

Life, Blog Updates

This weekend Northern Virginia is expecting an ice storm.  Oh, to live in a climate where rain is rain and snow is snow, and ice appears only in the freezer.  Oh well.  That's not where I live.  The storm is supposed to be pretty bad - they're calling for freezing rain to fall all day, on top of 1-2 inches of snow that will fall tonight.  Ice skating, anyone?

My lovely wife is sequestered in a hotel through Sunday, making a concerted and focused effort to get her (insert expletive here) dissertation done.  She is so close, but with a new full-time job and three children at home it is tough for her to find the time to write.

Two out of three kids in my family are sick enough to make sleeping difficult, but not sick enough for the doctor to be able to do anything for them.  Did I mention that my wife is in a hotel this weekend?

I've applied for copyright permission from Augsburg Fortress Publishers to use an amended form of Responsive Prayer on my new Daily Prayer Delivered blog.  A friend reminded me that I was probably violating copyrights by posting this material online, so I made my petition to my former co-workers at Augsburg Fortress.  I'll let you know what they say to me.  (For a good, short plea for a new approach to copyrights and permissions for liturgical material, check out this post - The Church and Copyleft - from Father Chris, an Independent Catholic priest who was raised in the Lutheran Church.)

I've been dabbling with a custom theme on this blog, but Typepad doesn't make it easy for amateurs like me.  If this blog looks funny to you, it's entirely my fault.  But I'm tired and I'm not fixing it for a few days.  Here's the banner I was toying with:

Have a good weekend.  For all who are battling ice and snow, please be safe!

The Church's (confused?) Role in Performing Weddings

Via Beliefnet - A judge in Pennsylvania has cast a shroud of doubt over the legal status of thousands of marriages performed in the commonwealth - including my own (see Suit Challenges PA Rules on Clergy and Weddings). 

According to Pennsylvania law, weddings can be performed by any "minister, priest or rabbi of any regularly established church or congregation."  The problem, of course, comes when a wedding is performed by a clergy person without a "regularly established church or congregation."  Such was the basis for the judge's ruling against the validity of a wedding performed by a person "ordained" online.  Yet the ruling can potentially impact any whose wedding was presided over by retired clergy, chaplains, or any other clergy person without "a regularly established church or congregation."

Beside the fact that my own marriage may now be legally circumspect - an ordained pastor serving as a seminary professor without "a regularly established church or congregation" conducted our wedding in Pennsylvania five and half years ago - I love this ruling because it highlights the dangers of mixing the ministry of the church with the function of the state. 

When clergy preside at weddings, they are performing a state function by presiding at the union of two people into a legally-binding relationship.  Prior to the wedding, the couple applies to the court for a marriage license but is not legally wed until the license is signed by the clergy person who presides at the wedding.  With the clergy person's signature on the marriage certificate, the couple is legally wed.

Of course, the clergy person is also acting as a cleric, a religious leader proclaiming the blessings of God on and the support of the church for the couple.  Many clergy take their role seriously, not just as a sort of relationship counselor but as a spiritual counselor, religious guide and pastoral caregiver during a time of great life transition and commitment.

I fear that when we join these two functions - that of state functionary and religious leader - the ministry we're performing can be confused and open to meddling by the state (as in this situation in Pennsylvania).  If marriages presided over by clergy who do not have a congregation were to be invalidated, what do we make of the church's blessing?  Might couples, fearing that their marriage is not legally recognized, fear that their standing before God and the church is equally in question?  And if the marriages are not legal, what exactly did the church bless?  And of course, for the church to even be in such a bind is an embarrassment.  Our own marriage to the state is troublesome.

I've written in the past that the church should get out of the business of legalizing marriages (see Traditional Marriage and the State's Interests, particularly the final few paragraphs, written in response to a debate in New Jersey about gay marriage, and Defending Marriage, in response to an effort to ban gay marriage in Pennsylvania).  I don't know how it would work practically - here are some ideas:

• the clergy person could work with a judge or some other civil official who can preside over the legal marriage, leaving the clergy person to proclaim the blessings of God and the church on the legally married couple
• if the clergy person were to perform both roles - that of church and state - the clergy person could
  
  • clearly demarcate the civil and religious roles by changing clothing (ie, by vesting after the legal declaration of marriage took place),
  • restructure the liturgy to provide for the state's legalities and the church's blessings in distinct parts of the service, and/or
  • make a declaration about the distinct civil and religious natures of the wedding. 

As I look ahead to ordination, I think seriously about this issue.  Would I do a wedding and take on the state's authority simultaneously with my religious authority?  (Remember, I'm the kind of guy who refuses to take a legal oath because of it's religious connotations within a civic setting.  Nor would I swear on a Bible in a court of law.)  I know that the grand majority of clergy in the world don't worry about such things, and perhaps I'm making a great brouhaha out of nothing.  But the issues are not insignificant, to me anyway.

Finally, if I'm ordained before the New Year I will file taxes next year as a clergy person.  Would I seek the tax benefits of being clergy?  I admit to feeling funny about it - why should I receive a tax break that my minimum wage-earning neighbor does not - but I don't know all the implications and issues involved, so I'll reserve judgment on that issue for now.

Looking Ahead to '08

It's New Year's Eve - the ball will drop in just less than 20 minutes - and time again to make resolutions and dream big about the coming year.  Here's some of what I'm looking forward to in 2008.

• Ordination: Though my internship runs through August, I already have my seminary degree (I graduated LTSP in 2002 - my path is a long story, one worthy of an eventual blogpost).  In May I will seek Approval for Ordination from my home synod's Candidacy Committee.  If Approved and Called by a congregation, I could be ordained as a pastor in the Lutheran Church by the end of the year.  Of course, there are many variables in this process (as I've learned in my 12 years in and out of Candidacy) and the timing is far from certain.  I'll keep you posted.
  
• Health: My wife, my brother, my best friend, and my pastor are all giving me heck about my weight and health.  Once again I begin a New Year with hopes and aspirations for a healthier me, yet once again with doubts and questions about how to make the changes to my life necessary to lose weight and improve my overall health and fitness.
• Income: My wife begins a new career as a seminary professor in January and, God willing, I will begin a career in pastoral ministry before the end of the year.  If this happens, it will be the first time in our marriage that both of us would be earning full-time paychecks at the same time. For the first five years of our marriage one of us has always been a student, stipended intern, or temporarily unemployed.  It will be nice to earn a fuller, combined income, even at the modest clergy/professor levels.
• Daily Prayer: Ever since our third child was born in mid-November, setting off quite a change in the Zephyr household - we now have a four year-old, a one year-old, and an infant - I have been negligent of my Daily Prayer routine. For so many reasons I would like to find the time and space to get back into that routine and, both intellectually and spiritually, explore in ever deeper ways what a life of faith looks like.
  
• Health: Did I mention that I want to get healthier?
• The Kids: I look forward to watching my children continue to grow - I'm not one of those parents who wishes time would stand still so that I could capture forever the precious moments of toddlerhood.  Particularly, I am anxious to watch Cana - our 1 year-old - begin speaking and putting her feisty personality to words; to watch Naaman - our infant - develop a personality and begin moving around; and to watch Tali - our 4 year-old - continue to grow into a complex young girl who loves playing with Barbies and Thomas Trains, who already shows glimpses of a teenager's swagger, and whose cautious yet observant manner will serve her well when she enters kindergarten in September.
   

So properly speaking I have two New Year's Resolutions: Get Healthier and Pray Daily.  If I can get a handle on those two tasks, I think I'll enjoy the other items on my list that much more.

A Happy and Blessed New Year to All!

It's Advent: Whatcha doin'?

My family is growing into our Advent traditions.  We've been married only five years, and with three children in the house our traditions have been evolving according to our ability to manage chaos and our children's ability to participate in traditions.  This year we fell into something that I really like.

We made an Advent Wreath on Sunday night at a fellowship event at my congregation.  We brought it home, and we've been lighting it each night, singing a verse of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" and opening a door on the Advent calendar I bought from Target, which is fashioned to look like a house with 25 doors.

At a local craft store I purchased a miniature Christmas tree and miniature Christmas ornaments.  Some of the ornaments are snowflakes, some are Santa Claus, some are silver, gold, blue, red, or green balls, and some are of each part of the nativity scene.  I've placed a few ornaments in each day of the calendar, paying particular attention to place Santa on December 6 (St Nicholas Day), the shepherd and sheep on December 9 (Blessed Juan Diego), Mary on December 12 (Virgin of Guadalupe), and Jesus on December 25, of course.

Each night our daughter opens the door for that day and places the ornaments on the miniature Christmas tree, which she calls her "Advent tree."  Each morning she comes downstairs and immediately tells me, "Daddy, at dinner we have to open another door and decorate our advent tree!"  It is great to watch her excitement at participating in this daily ritual.

So, how do you mark the days of Advent?  Write a comment here, or better yet, write a post on your blog and put a comment here that you've written.