The Lutheran Zephyr

Prevent Defense Parenting

In advance of the birth of our third child, some parents shared with me their experience and advice:

"Three children is not that different than two, really."

Really?

"When you have three children, you just move from a man-on-man defense to a zone defense."

Oh, it's that easy?

In about a day-and-a-half at home with three children - ages 4, 1, and <1 week, I would not echo these words offered to me by my kind friends.  But I would use another football analogy to describe my situation: I feel like I'm in a prevent defense, an attempt to maintain some dignity by trying to keep the kids from going deep (in chaos).  Sure, this strategy allows them to scramble and run all over for short and medium gains.  But the prevent defense is designed for one thing - prevent the big play.  I'm just trying to keep them out of the end zone (of complete carnage).

Perhaps I'll get the hang of this parent-of-three-kids thing some day, and move up to a zone or even call a few blitzes eventually.  But for now I'm a bit overwhelmed, and it's straight prevent defense parenting for me.

November 15

My son, Naaman, was born today.  But I note a few other significant events on this day:

• the birthday of my favorite candidate for president, Governor Bill Richardson;
• the day that Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury;
• the day that our hospital banned smoking on its campus (you know you're in a tobacco state when it takes a hospital until 2007 to ban smoking!)

I was particularly pleased to hear about the Bonds indictment, because my girls and I each have significant baseball events connected with our birthdays.

• I was born on November 25, sharing a birthday with Baseball Hall of Famer Joe Dimaggio.
• Tali, our oldest child, was born on July 21, 2003.  A pitcher named Brandon Duckworth (no relation) started for the Phillies that night (but lost against the Mets).  My in-laws were at the game.
• Cana, our middle child, was born on July 31, 2006, at 12:22am.  My wife began labor on July 30, the same day my favorite ballplayer - Bobby Abreu - was traded from the Phillies to the Yankees.  We are as yet uncertain whether the news of his trade contributed to the onset of labor.
• Naaman, our youngest child, was born today, November 15, 2007 - the same day that Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice.

What a great day - most significantly, of course, because it is the day that Naaman James came into my life.

Introducing . . . Naaman James!

Today at 4:29PM my wife gave birth to Naaman James Duckworth, 8lbs 13oz, 21.5 inches long.  Mommy and baby are doing well.  More pictures and information in the coming days. 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!

Not Yet

On All Saints Sunday I preached about waiting - the waiting we Christians do for the return of Christ and the inauguration of the Kingdom.  I spoke about the saints who gather with us at Christ's timeless communion table, and that we await the day when we will be joined with them - not only in spirit - but in flesh and blood, when the dead are raised.

And of course, as I described the anxiety, annoyance and aggravation of waiting, I used our waiting for baby #3 as a brief illustration of the emotional quality of waiting.  Gosh, if I only knew then what I know now.

We're still waiting.  The baby hasn't yet come. 

Yes, some of Jess' water broke.  Yes, she has felt some cramps and contractions.  But a few more exams and yet another ultrasound show that the amniotic sac remains intact.  The gush my wife experienced was likely a "blister" or "pocket" in the sac that burst, not the whole thing.  And the cramps and contractions?  Nothing consistent.  The baby remains safely ensconced in the friendly confines of the amniotic sac in the bulging belly of my wife. 

And so we're at home.  We're waiting.

Baby on the Way

Some contractions began around 6:15pm Monday night, only to have them subside by 4am on Tuesday morning.  But this morning some strong contractions returned, only to tease us, and then we spent the day distracted as all heck, waiting for more.

More just arrived.  Jessicah's water broke.  We're going to the hospital.  We're going to have a baby.

Updates and photos will be posted in the coming days.  It seems like not so long ago that I wrote a similar post about the birth of our second child.  Wow.  Now #3 is arriving.

Baby on the way.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Quick Life Update

I love what I do

I can't imagine that it will somehow get even better when I'm ordained and serving as a pastor, but right now I'm loving my work as a vicar - a full-time seminary intern - at a congregation in Northern Virginia.  It's been quite a journey.  Five years ago I graduated from seminary with a Master of Divinity that I wasn't sure I'd ever use, regrettably estranged from the Candidacy Process and unsure of my future.  What a difference five years - and therapy, good friends, a loving wife, and a great pastor and congregation - can make.  I give thanks to God for my internship and for the various people who helped me get here.  I can't remember ever feeling happier and more fulfilled than I do now.

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Baby coming soon

Our third child - our first boy - is due on November 12.  If I were a betting man I'd wager that the kiddo is coming early, but what do I know? 

My wife and I celebrated our five year wedding anniversary earlier this month.  For four of those years she has been either pregnant or nursing.  I don't know how she does it.  I think it's time we give this whole baby-making process a break . . .

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AB(three chapters of the)D

My wife - who blogs sparingly over at Ecclesia Crucis - is making amazing progress on her PhD dissertation.  She is "ABD" (all but dissertation), but last week sent the introduction and first three chapters - 178 pages - to her adviser.  Only three chapters remain, with the goal of cranking out one or two before baby arrives. 

Jess is a PhD Candidate at Princeton Theological Seminary in the Practical Theology department.  Her research and dissertation examine adult faith formation, particularly the ways in which congregations welcome and assimilate new members.  In this regard, she is looking at ELCA congregations that have recovered and adapted the ancient practice of the catechumenate for the catechesis and formation of new members.  It is fascinating and exciting stuff, and at times I struggle to keep myself from blogging about her findings and insights.

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Exhaustion

I'm tired.  I'm two months into my internship and am feeling the fatigue of parish ministry.  Add to this fatigue the fact that our girls are not sleeping well at night, the dissertation push, the baby anticipation . . . I'm tired.

But I'm happy.  And that's all that matters.

Happy Anniversary, My Love

Five years ago today (2.8 children ago) - October 12, 2002 - I made this vow:

In the name of God, I, Christopher, take you, Jessicah, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.  This is my solemn vow.

Happy anniversary, babe.  I love you!

3 Great Innings of Baseball . . .

. . . followed by 6 lousy innings of baseball.

That summarizes the quality of play during the Phillies-Rockies game yesterday.  But the energy during those first three innings - before Kaz Matsui's 4th inning grand slam off reliever Kyle Lohse sucked the life out of the ballpark - was unlike any I had ever experienced.  Jimmy Rollins hit a leadoff home run, and the crowd was so loud I didn't even hear the fireworks or the ringing of the huge Liberty Bell.  And then his 3rd inning two-run triple . . . wow.  A baseball crowd unlike any I had ever experienced - even better than the Yankees-Red Sox game I attended at Yankee Stadium a year ago . . . Whodathunkit?  A great baseball crowd in Philadelphia?  Yes, it is possible.

This was my first ever Phillies playoff game, and it might be my last in a long time.  Despite the loss, it was a great day, one I'll remember for a long time.  My dad and I have been going to baseball games for as long as I can remember, and since high school it has been "our thing," our time to get together, to talk, to be together, to share in something together that connects generations - he wore his father's Phillies jacket when he came down to RFK two weeks ago to see the Phillies play the Nationals . . . Thanks Dad.  It was a great day.

And then to top it off, my best friend Josh met us for dinner following the game at Nifty-Fifties, our old high school hangout.  What memories we have together.  I might not be able to handle those spicy cheese chicken nuggets like I used to, but it was still awesome.  Thanks Josh for making the trek . . .

The Phillies didn't have a good day, but I did.  And that's all that really counts.

A week with my wife, our au pair, & my internship

The past week was witness to lots of change in the Zephyr household. 

• My wife finally came home from the Philadelphia area and we actually spent seven calendar days together for the first time in a month (however, because we made a quick trip to Philadelphia last weekend, we haven't yet spent seven consecutive nights in our new house together). 
• Our au pair, Catalina, arrived from Columbia and she has been wonderful!  However, having a 20 year-old complete stranger live with us and caring for our daughters for 40+ hours/week has been emotionally taxing.  She is an excellent, experienced, and confident caregiver, but we're first-timers at this au pair thing, and striking the balance between her work hours and her off hours, between her style of childcare vs. our style of childcare, and, during the time we're all at home, between our role as parents and her limited role as caregiver who nonetheless lives with us and is around our children all the time (not like there's much for her to walk to or do in our suburban enclave) . . . that balance has been difficult.  I know we'll find a balance, but until that happens we're see-sawing all over the place.
• My internship has been awesome.  I've only been in the office four days, and I'm only now beginning to wrap my head around this parish's various ministries and program, but the welcome I've received has been amazing and the dynamics between me and the existing church staff - so far, anyway - have been natural and easy.  I'm really excited.  Oh, and I met the Governor of Virginia yesterday at a discussion of his early childhood education initiative, with about 20 or 30 faith leaders.  Perhaps I'll have a blogpost about that at a later date.

That's it, for now.  I'm going to go join my girls for an afternoon nap.

Five Things My Children Should Know

I'm it!

David tagged me for the Five Things My Children Should Know meme.  This comes at a wonderful time - just as I finish up a summer of spending oodles of time with the kiddos.  So here it is - The Five Things My Children Should Know:

1. Nothing Can Separate Us From the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  OK, this topped David's list, too, but it is my favorite verse in the Bible and just about covers everything we need to know about our relationship to God.  OK, maybe not everything, but the most important part - we can't get away from God.
2. Look left.  Look right.  Look left again.  These are the directions I give my daughter when she crosses the street on foot or on her new training-wheels-equipped bicycle.  I want my children to know how to be safe, how to watch out for danger, and how to cross the streets of life safely and confidently. 
3. Love and respect others.  We have so much to learn from other people.  I want my children to be interested in and respectful of other people and other cultures.  I want them to expect to learn something from their neighbor, their teacher, their friend, a complete stranger, a bum on the street . . . and to find something in that person that is admirable, loveable, even holy.
4. Yet at the same time, I want my children to know when to defiantly say "Screw 'em!"  Excuse the language, but I want my kids to know when it's time to buck the system and reject peer pressure or societal expectations or unhealthy family dynamics or anything else that will try to put them down or minimize their God-given gifts and opportunities.  I want them to be strong enough to go out on a limb for the sake of justice, integrity, honesty, truth, sanity or most any liberal cause.
5. The Infield Fly Rule; what a 6-4-3 Double Play is; and, the Designated Hitter is a Satanic Ploy.  OK, so I'm trying to fit alot into #5.  But I want my children to know about baseball and, more importantly, by seeing the fun my wife and I derive from our love of baseball I hope our children can develop their own hobbies, passions and interests.  As long those hobbies, passions and interests include green pastures, bats, balls and gloves.

I'm not sure they're all reading at this late juncture in the summer, but I'd love to read what Derek, LutherPunk, RevHRod, my lovely wife, and Nathan want their kids to know . . .